Xiah Love

Info Update On Bloodlust

Hey guys I'm sorry I've been so busy but here's some information update on Bloodlust
I am still in the process of a rewrite but since I'm getting to the part where there's no chapters to rewrite and now there's going to be an original plot line that slightly differs from what I had intended in the past (and what I told the two writers who would continue it for me) its been taking a little bit longer to publish each chapter

With that said, there also has been some personal things that came up

1.) I moved to a different state and now have a temp job until I can find a permanent one
2.) My AC adapter died so my laptop is dead and I have no other source to work on the chapters (they're all on my google drive)

im hoping since i get paid this week I can get a universal adapter and finally get online (i've been without one for two weeks now and its been killing meeeeeee, you can only do so much on your phone)

Also, idk if I already mentioned this to anyone, but I've been posting the rewrites on Archive Of Our Own if you want to check that out
i know ive been recently linking it in the YOOSU community but its been easier to upload it straight onto AO3
if any of you guys want the link lmk in the comments
i think ive been linking it in my past posts
Xiah Love


sorry sorry sorry
ive been busy with life
my dogs cancer treatment and just finding out what the fuck is going on with her
and money issues

i really hate being an adult
i want to be a teen again
a second chance
anyways i'll try working on the yoosu story

im also thinking about working on another story
just a random one
either an original or a fanfic, still havent decided
i need to keep doing things in order to push myself to stay active and have an outlet for my stress I realized
I need to find a pattern in my daily life and stick withit
Xiah Love

(no subject)

Sorry its been almost a month and still no update yet except for that chapter 6

I've started on chapter 7 rewrite but since its mostly new content to make it flow with the rewrite, its been taking a little longer (esp since I have work and what not and we've been busy due to orientation).

I've been in a good place lately esp with my anxiety and depression but I think thats because most of my anxiety and problems had to do with money problems. Though I'm not making a lot of money, any is better than none.

Also working forces me to get ready and actually go outside to work which helps my depression tremendously. Most of the time, my depression is worsened due to the fact that my depression often forces me to stay at home, be in bed, and just be consumed by all sorts of dark thoughts and unable to move or do anything productive even though my mind is going crazy.

But I'm getting better. if my school situation resolved then I'd be semi-okay
Xiah Love

So far

So Bloodlust Chapter 6 rewrite is updated. From here on, the story (esp chapter numbers) will be much different than the original story.

Sorry if the updates had not been faster than they had been before
I've been having some stuff going on
To keep you guys updated, here are some of the gist

I'm trying to solve an issue with registration, enrollment, and financial shit with my uni
My dog has cancer
I just got a part time job (boo minimum wage) so usually I'm too tired to work on anything after I come back from work except eat and watch something on Netflix

I'm going to try and keep up with updates and continue to work on the rewrite but do expect the updates to be a lot less frequent than before. Maybe like every two weeks or every three weeks
Xiah Love

story information as of 4/8/2015

So I am basically finished with the rewrite of Chapter 4 and have also finished the rewrite of Chapter 5. I have sent Chapter 4 to my beta reader but its the last month before graduation so she's kind of swamped with a bunch of readings + essays so it might be a while before she gets a chance to beta-read Chapter 4.

I haven't sent her chapter 5 yet because I don't want to overload her. So in the meanwhile I'm going to work on Chapter 6.

After April, things might move a long faster (or slower, idk depends on our situation). Luckily, my beta reader is not only my best friend but also my roommate so I can check up on her WEHENVER I WANT LOLL jk jk no but seriously shes my best friend and roommate

we're graduating college this year or rather
I'm only pretending in front of my parents (i know it sounds crazy, but I have a super kind of abusive controlling father and he's not aware that my mental illness has caused me to do terrible in school so my graduation has been extended, but the ceremony is not really regulated so I can just sneak into the ceremony and sit there, look at fireworks, and then pretend I graduated in front of him). Sure its probably easier if I just told him but that means he makes threats to my mom and me and my sister and my mom is already sick and overly stressed out so she doesn't need that from my dad.
You may wonder why do we stick with an abusive father esp emotionally and verbally abusive father. It's because we need money. My mom barely makes anything by herself and she's afraid of being alone so for her she'd rather take the abuse so that way my sister and I get financial support. It's kind of fucked up and its something I've been dealing for years and years.

One day I pray that there will be a day when I don't have to lie anymore and keep pretending
and a day I'll be financially stable where I can support myself and spoil my mom
Xiah Love


So Bloodlust chapter 2 has been sent to my beta-reader and she's going to get it done whenever she can. She's an English major so she has a ton of other readings and papers to write so we'll all have to be patient ^^

As for Chapter 3, I've already rewrote it except for the last little bit so I'll have to go back to do that soon. Chapter 3 of the original vs chapter 3 of the rewrite are going to be HUGELY different. HUGELY!!

I have so many ideas in my head coming and going so I've been trying to write it down on post its so I don't forget later on. There is going to be more development with all the characters, some more than others but definitely our main boys will have development, 100% guarantee.

I realize rewrites are so much easier to do because the idea is there, I just need to fix it whereas new stories I need to figure out where the direction needs to go, what scenes should be there or shouldn't be there, what the scene even should be, and HOW do I go writing about that scene in an interesting way? Then after I do that, my brain is maxxed out. Any effort in trying to continue out from that point on, the writing starts to look like those fill in the blank fun sheets we got in Elementary school.
She got ____. He responded _____. THey _____. etc.

I'm also in plans of writing a Jane Foster x Thor fic. The problem is this was a request and so while I love Fosterson, I'm not so preoccupied with them that I know 100% of how their personalities are and what not. So Hannie_Rabu is going to send me some Fosterson fics to me so I can get a grasp of how Jane is (plus rewatch the Thor movies).

ALSOOO I am thinking about rewriting Women In Love (which was a Vincent Valentine x Yuffie Kisaragi). Its funny bc I actually had started on a rewrite of that story a long time ago (like 2-3 years ago) and MY COMPUTER DIED ON ME. I LOVED THE WAY I HAD REWRITTEN IT BC I was stuck at this one part of the plot/story line and had a hard time trying to figure out how to go about from there and I finally figured it out....
and now its gone
I don't remember it
my old laptop is dead (i am a killer of technology btw which is why I need to date someone who is good at tech things)
And I was soo upset when that happened that I decided to just abandon the story all together because it was just..so...disheartening. Al that hard effort for nothing....T_T
Well, after being inspired by a very rare Yuffentine fanart, I am going to back into it...SOON.
I need to find a job and sign up for advising with my adviser...good lord
Xiah Love


Prologue and Chapter 1 has been uploaded. Chapter 2 has been rewritten but needs to be beta-ed so that won't be uploaded till later this week or next week. I am ahead of schedule, yay!!!
Bloodlust (8555 words) by Fictitious_Cucumber
Chapters: 2/16
Fandom: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Relationships: Kim Junsu/Park Yoochun, Furuya Keita/Shim Changmin, Jung Yunho/Kim Jaejoong
Characters: Kim Junsu (JYJ), Park Yoochun, Shim Changmin, furuya keita
Additional Tags: Community: dbsk_flashfic, Post-DBSK, BL, Vampires, Vampire Sex, JYJ, Sex, Homosexuality, War, Love/Hate, Love, Abusive Relationships

Survivors of an all out human village massacre, the three young trio (junsu jaejoong keita) found themselves kidnapped and sold as slaves to the Realm's most powerful vampire lords. They begin to discover things about their new vampire lords, and more about themselves with each passing moment. Danger, lust, and perhaps love awaits for them as they try to survive with a massive human-vampire war blowing up around them. [war plot] [love plot]

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Xiah Love


So I have already rewriten the prologue and chapter 1. It is now being edited and reviewed by my beta-reader Hannie_Rabu

I'd like to have it up by Monday but we'll see since she's busy with reading and school.

So a little information about the rewrite as I am going through it:

Some parts of the story made me laugh, other parts just left me super confused. I realized I wasn't the best at continuity because I had a lot going on in my head and couldn't organize my thoughts very well. I also ended up deleting some scenes or leaving out scenes that were once there to add to it later on in the story. I added more dialogue, deleted some dialogue, changed dialogue, etc so for those who have read it before, it's going to be a lot different. There is a bit more depth because I, as a 24 year old, wanted to touch on the elements of abuse and sexual assault and explore that side of the relationship (because no matter how much you enjoy it LATER, if you said initially NO and they continued, its classified as assault and or rape). I have to remind everyone that these characters are not 100% "good" people. These characters are fictional characters who make mistakes, who continue to make mistakes, etc. Some are not kind, some are not good. They are vampires. I wanted to portray vampires in the a darker sense as beings who are almost a slave to their own instinct and physical desires.

However, I can promise you there is a little bit more depth as well as continuity and less confusion so the story will be a semi-new experience for those who are re-reading the story (and I thank you for re-reading it too because I have trouble rereading some stories bc for me I'm the type of person who once they read it, its basically done. There are few stories, books, and even movies I read/watch again).

I do note that there are problematic elements within the story for sure (abuse, rape, etc) because even in scenes where I (as a hgh schooler) had perceived some situations as consent, I know that as a 24 year old adult its not actually consent and classified as rape or sexual assault.

With that said, I'd like to mention now (and I mention it in the chapters as an author's note) that this story BLOODLUST is all purely fiction. Do not romanticze this relationship, do not romanticize rape, do not romanticize sexual assaults esp in real life. There are elements of forgiving the abuser and such. However, this does not indicate IN REAL LIFE that anyone should ever ever ever forgive their abuser. Its all purely up to you as a victim and this story should not be something you use to consult your feelings or experience. This is very bad fiction, this is a bad fantasy. This was something I wrote as a high schooler and I didn't know much. You can let yourself enjoy the story and indulge in this dark fantasy, or you can let yourself see the badness in it and hate it. Its up to you as the reader. However, I do advise for those who do indulge, do not let my story and the instances of these characters form your own opinion about assault/rape/abuse (for example, well Yoochun did all of this to Junsu so my friend should get over her abuse too bc its not really abuse if she enjoyed it later). Reality is different from fiction. Do not use my story as any sort of evidence to justify rape, assault, or abuse. This IS PURELY FICTION I CANT STRESS THAT ENOUGH!
Xiah Love


Hey guys I know what I said about Bloodlust and I've been thinking about it all night
it makes me feel weird I had left it like that too
But the ppl who took over did an amazing job of contiuing it and also keeping relatively close to what I had wanted and I'm super thankful for that

However, to sort of ....I guess...have a "closure" more for personal reasons, I'm going to rewrite Bloodlust and put it on AO3 (Archive Of Our Own). My screenname there will be Fictitious_Cucumber and I'll be starting to do the rewrites soon and upload it on there.
I'm rewriting because I read back the story and I realized my teen writing can be super confusing and didn't have much continuity. So I'm going to rewrite up to where I had left off and then do new wrting from the chapters on forth (but it'll be more likely to be similar to how the new writers had written it because I did tell them basically how the story was going to go and they just put it into better words than I did LOL).

SO yes, I'll update here about the rewrite of Bloodlust.
Xiah Love

(no subject)

reading back on my old posts in high school is hilarious
its an embarrassing scrapbook of myself except no embarrassing pictures (thats on my FB LOL)
I was immature af (well you know thats what happens when you're young and going through puberty) and I sl*tshamed a lot
well well well
who knew lil ol' me would be embracing KODA KUMI WITH WIDE OPEN ARMS!!!
Also, I was really enthusiastic about school even though I complained a lot. Most of the complaints though were half-serious because I usually like writing what I had to do in list form on posts like this while complaining about it for the sake of complaining to get rid of my stress...
Now...its a different story. I complain because it really bugs me. It really affects me mentally. I have so much going on in my life right now and to see it compared to my past is so strange, bitter, but cool at the same time.

To my past self: you're going to hate UGA, you end up breaking your friendship with Sue (finally), and everything will suck and you'll change your major like 3 times.

anyways, I'm realy tired now (its about 2:06am) and my dog is taking half of my bed so I'm laying down in a weird uncomfortable position
I really spoil him so much

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