Xiah Love

2015: I'm Back?

I was feeling an air of nostalgia so I decided to check my old LJ
and oh my god
so many messages
I am really really sorry about everything especially not replying. Basically I had quit the LJ and Yoosu world due to personal/religious reasons (the religious reason is now no more, I am basically agnostic now LOLLLLLLL)

IT's been...oh my god...like 5 years?
A lot has happened since then...
I went to college
College sucked
I have two dogs now
I live with @hannie_rabu (ten years + going strong in our friendship!)
And of course what is college without some self discovery ?

Let me first say.... to all those who have loved the story Bloodlust (Yoosu fic) thank you thank you thank you. I wish I had continued it myself but the people who took over the story did an amazing job that its safe to say the story is officially completed.

I'll keep my blog open so people can read my story should there be newcomers who come to read the story. It's been a while and LJ has changed a lot so I'm going to need to loosen some old bolts here and there and learn some new things but overall I"m happy to say IM BACK!
But let me do state that before I had left LJ and handed over Bloodlust, I did give both writers a summary of how I wanted the story to go so to a certain extent, the story does follow my intentions and asking me about what "My version" would have been..it probably would have been along the lines of what they had wrote. I do want to thank you for those who had reached out to me (like min 2 years ago LOL) but I never replied bc I wasn't on here and my old e-mail was dead. So to reiterate You are free to link ppl to the original 10 chapters that are on here so they know what had happened before the new chapters by the new authors.

My life is a mess (more than it was 5 years ago) but I'm hanging in there. It's also super fun to read my personal posts from my high school days. I was 17-18 then. I'm 24 now. Holy shit bags

If anyone even still gets alerts about this blog or is even watching it....I have no idea.
but to anyone who is reading out there
  • Current Mood: nostalgia, feeling strange
  • Current Music: my dog snoring
Xiah Love

A g e n d A

Things to do:
AP Chem. (just a little bit)
AP Calc. hw- i got  a feeling he might grade it tomorrow @_@
AP GOV- read...A LOT. test on friday OTL;

Pay for Georgia State application fee and start on scholarships.

Really really need to start on scholarships. Since the semester is coming to a close in like three months or so, the scholarships deadlines are all...really really really near. super near!

Ah I'm so tired right now. my eyes are about to clooseeeee -_-
took a shower just now and i feel somewhat refreshed. I still need to finish my calc hw because i feel like my teacher might check it...
everytime i get these feelings its always right!!! ahhh!!!!

anyways, toodlesss for now.
Xiah Love

Day by Day

Day by day life seems to get more complicated

from phones to college its taking me down..BIG. When im not worrying about college its scholarships. My parents are so intent with on sending me to UGA its not even funny -___-. its not only to make me look good but its because of the car. My sister already goes there so my dad doesnt want to pay for two cars. Once i graduate he wants to sell the minivan. OTL;;

I dont mind going to Georgia state or some small college. At least that way i can get my core classes done ASAP!

I'm really tired lately and I have other things to focus on...like actual schoolwork.

but im sure that's how it is for a senior in high school.

I really do wish I was more ...outgoing, strong minded, and had a sense of urgency.

When i say i'll do it, i wish i actually did it instead of pushing it back. I'm getting better lately but this brain sometimes doesnt work quite well. Its very different....the human mind and body are two seperate things..two completely very different things...

In a month i'll be going to bahamas for spring break (as an orchestra field trip)...and i still havent lost weight....i gained it..i can feel it in my shirts..XD.

seems to get a little tighter

and i dont want to use that excuse wehre 'it must have shrank in the wash' -__-
  • Current Mood: aggravated aggravated
Xiah Love

shocking day

so today is my birthday (dont really celebrate it) . i mean...seriously though...i completely forgot about it. I came to school early and my friend was like...hey jisoo...happy birthday and im like...what? XD

i was so busy and caught up with school stuff i totally forgot

but thats not the important thing

I went to my homeroom and Sue just nonchalantly hands me a small paper bag saying happy birthday. i kind of stood there like...o.o what? XD and i said thank you but i was still kind of bewildered. Confused yes...but....i was like a deer staring at headlights

she left to go to the bathroom and i opened it and there was a card and basically she wrote ....whats been going between us

she told me that I had been a little less responsive to her so she stopped talking to me to leave me a lone and then she was even more shocked when i just stopped talking to her completely. I completely ignored her and what not...but i only did it cuz she stopped talking to me

and what she wanted me to do was ask her what was wrong or why she wasnt talking but she was kinda shocked...bewildered...and annoyed that i didnt ask (im not that type of person XD; i cant really express what i want to say cuz i feel embarassed sometimes. it runs in the family...only..my sisters like that with the family, im like that with my friends.)

so after i read the note i felt really guilty but i told her i dont talk if someone else doesnt talk.she was waiting for me to talk to her

*sigh* miscommunication

like i feel a little more satisfied now and happier. I didnt realize how much it got to me that she wasnt talking to me...like..i was overwhelmingly stressed about it

but i cant help but sitll feel awkward towards her..idk why. its probbaly because tehres a reluctance on my part as well as embarrassment when i see her cuz of my misunderstanding.

we started talking again but i couldnt really look at her eyes all that much; i did a little bit but not  a whole lot. My other friend kelly started talking to me about her boyfriend (which she usually does and i dont mind it because i know him and i dont mind listening ) and i think that went on for most of the time so i guess i kinda 'ignored' sue again...but not donig it on purpose. sue doesnet know kelly much and shes not friends with kellys boyfriend...XD i am. knew him since 9th grade XD and hannie rabu knew him longer haha.

in any case. i guess she was a litttle bothered not much has changed except for the fact that i did talk to her . I talked to her after homeroom and walked with her to lunch.

but after school i saw her and she still had that same...cold..expressionless...face...and i dont nkow what to make of it. i really dont. i guess i should ask if she has that face again tomorrow...but i feel embarassed doing it right when she pointed out that i should od it.

i guess its more of a pride hurting thing but cant help it. my dads a proudful person...my sisters a proudful person....i am...sort of. i guess i am but im not outspoken about it; my dad and sister are XDD

so i guess i should learn how to be more friendly and open and close to ppl. T___T

ah..now thats over i feel relieved.
Xiah Love

A lot has happened..

A lot has happened since my last post @_@. haha;;;sorry for not being around...or updating

CRAMMED with school work right now and other issues. Since its the second semester, teachers are crammed from the Board of Ed. which means more cramming for us because they're crammed to fit everything in one small short semester.

Week after week i have essays, lap reports, homework due and it is not fun @_@.

My friend (the one ive been talking about in the past posts) has officially decided to ignore me for good. She got moved into my homeroom before lunch which was really fun and stuff. But i guess being apart from her and her being busy with her group of friends has caused a 'drift', as my mom likes to call it, between us. When she talks to me...i have no idea what to say. I cnat even look at her face. IM just like....uh...okay. no response. my brain is dead when it comes to her. its weird cuz even with hannie_rabu i may be like dead but its not awkward. or i usually have something to talk about (whatever my messed up brain can conjure XDD) but with ..might as well say her name...Sue its like...uh..what? lol. okay...good bye...

its weird. Maybe its part of growing up. I have been teasing her a bit but ive been doing that for the past year -__-. oh yeah so hte ignoring part..all of a sudden she just completely ignores me. My homeroom is in an art class so instead of desks its like one big black table that 4 ppl can sit around. she sits across from me..and all of a sudden she doesnt even say hi, she doesnt even look at me, and she has this angry stricken face.

-___-. that bothered me but lately ive been getting irritated by her behaviours anyway so i was like w.e.. and it continued for at least..two weeks now. and its pissing me off that she wont talk to me about it or w.e.

i tried talking to her online but she seemed like w.e.

at homeroom her friend walked in and she had this "im going to smile extra hard and happily just so you can notice it" smile and i really didnt care -__- cuz its stupid and immature the way shes behaving. she slams her bookbag on the table when im trying to read my AP gov. book and its really irritating OTL

she has a new little diary and she writes in it during Homeroom. lol. i wonder what shes writing about

oh right. me. DUH

call me suspicious but ywhen you have a feeling that someones writing about you...you know your right. Im kind of tired of what shes doing lately and sick of it.

before this happened i was silently angry in the inside like...

shed tell me oh jisoo lets go to barnes and nobles to study together~ since you always go with your sister adn such. i want to go too~

and im like...okay.....
then i found out that she asked her friend carol first but carol is a study geek (i know shes in my class and shes super nice XD) and then since she couldnt go sue asked me. Now ...im sure...its nothing to get irritated or angry over but...i just felt like...chopped liver? Dont make it sound like im the first one you asked and im the only one there for you. because then i become the dumb one. i become the idiotic retard who doesnt know anythign and feels special. 

you could have just said i need a study budy at barnes and nobles cuz carol canceled out on me. you wanna go together?

mayeb its cuz she always tells me im her only true friend
im the only one there for her

thats a nice compliment to give to a friend

but seriously...

gah. idk. i said this before but i truly think im just there for her (before she started ignoring me) is because 1.) im the only one in her korean friends that like yaoi and the only person knows that Sue likes it to that EXTREME. i mean..some of her korean friends know but they dont realize how hard core she is. 2.) im heronly cosplay buddy for conventions..and im the person who can get the hotel reservations to stay for the convention for three days.


I guess im the one person she can be the anime yaoi freak.

and before this happened we used to talk about Katekyoushi Hitman reborn costume cosplay ideas like photoshoots during the summer maybe at different places around us...and ...nwo i really dont feel like doing it with her.

if thats the reason why she wanted to be still remain as friends then no thanks.

i dont think i want to.

THe stupidest thing is my other friend D. ...i think shes on sues side.. i mean..there are no sides to this..whole shebang but...

cuz one time i was just teasing sue and D was like...dude...can you just chill? you guys are like hardcore fighting...you guys need to seperate and calm down adn stop fighting...

i was like..waht are you talking about? but yeah

im the evil villain who is terrorizing innocent sue

its kind of sad how ppl mix me and her together cuz we have the similar name..but i correct those ppl and always tell them "yeah shes a rreally great artist. and shes really nice too" 

no matter what.

this sucks. whats the point of paying for prom when i dont have any girl friends to go with anyhow. and Hannie_rabu isnt going cuz SHES LEAVING MEE!! lol jp.

*sigh* who knows..may is kinda far away.

right now i dont even want to deal with sue anymore. My mom says for me to be the nice one and walk up to her and ask her waht the problem is..or if shes angry at me or not.

but....i dont even feel like putting in the effort.

we used to be great friends..my parents liked her...and that got to her head. shes always like...OH jisoo even if you kick me out your parents love me so they'll listen to me. They always invite me ~! they love me!

lol. and she said...i guess it was a joke..but i could tell she meant it when she said that my parents really liked her so they'll let her do w.e.

and im like..they may like you...but im their daughter.

lol. your not blood relation sweet heart. GTFO. XD
Xiah Love

GAUGH. my sister the frog



seriously...im so fucking angry.

all i ask was for a little help on my college essays because i had no idea what to write at all.

yes. they gave me a topic.

but its not like i know what to write. i dont have any ideas

theres a big difference between having a topic and knowing exactly what to put on the paper.

all i wanted was just to talk to her and discuss about ideas on what i should write for the topic. one of the topic was basically brag about your self.
and the other was what high school experience did you have that made you grow socially, culturally, etc.

and1.) she should fucking know that i do not know hwo to brag about myself. yeas...the stuff i have i can brag but not me .cuz  my self esteem has been crusehd stepped on pierced with a 10 inch blade and rolled on for the alst 14 years of my life. the first three years were fine because i was a cute skinny fucking baby.

2.) i have no experience in school that made me grow..culturally...socially...w.e. so i thought maybe my sister would have ideas on what i should write even if it is complete B.S.


she took it as i just look over my paper.
and thats fine...although its pretty stupid cuz i have better grammar than her so why would i go to her anyways when i have Hannie_rabu...my language arts teacher....my latin teacher grammar freak dr. buff....(Ph.D anyone?)

and when i tell her...that i was hoping to just talk about the topics and get some helpful hints and tips and ideas...

she took it as "IM NOT WRIITING THE ESSAY FOR YOU!  YOU need to write an essay and show me and i'll correct the grammar" 

....fuck. you.
dont get all bitchy first of all

secondly if i needed you for grammar I'd be steven hawkings asking george w. bush what 2+2 is. or ask how to say teh word NUCLEAR...not NUCULER

and then my mom had to go agree with her...saying "Your sisters right ji soo. you need to see it from her perspective. she cant write the essay for you"



it really pains and upsets me that even my own mother does not know how i think, how i tend to act, and what kind of person i am in general.

She has her own view points....that will not chagne ever.

my mother ..yes she listens...but when i try to argue with her...telling her my opinion on something...she just completely shuts me out. saying that she can never ever talk to me because i dont understand a word shes saying. she says theres no communication and i dont listen to her.

oh i listen to her. i really do. i see her view point very well sometimes...but im becoming an adult. not one yet but slowly in the process...i have my own opinions....my own outset and outlook on life....

she doesnt understand. she has this thiing where shes the mother so she's always right. yes she has a lot of experience so i understnad THAT part but to be always right is a bit of an overstatement.

and my sister...haha

she came downstairs that night

and told me "wheres your essay" 

((its funny because she didnt even plan on checking it at that moment anyway because right after our argument im about to write she just went cooking food for my litlte sister and herself...so she wasnt even gonna check it anyway unless eh wanted to use the paper to wipe the oil of the frying pan ..))

i told her i didnt  do it because its night. its already night and im tired and it seems that you forgotten out litlte argument earlier in teh night. IM not BRINING THE ESSAY

andshe slike...are you kidding me? go do your essay.

me: no. why would i. im just gonna give up ((of course im not really...duh. stupid.)) even if i write the essay if i need someone to look over it with it'll be my teacher because she has more experience than you....and she has better grammar

sis: YOu better do your essay. DO YOUR ESSAY  NOW. *walks off into the kitchen and cooks crap* 

lol .

oh yes your sooo intimidating.
almost laughed my eyes out because that was so stupid. her attempts to be intimdating...mean.....charismatic....its all b.s. and looks really fake in my eyes.

and my little sister....her face in general pisses me off.

it just really does.

annoys the shit out of me.

my mother is trying to coax me and saying that im a person with a bigger heart so i should be kinder.

stupid mother father THWEQFASIUOEWF HOY*U@T#)wefopiqt4ewhafdioupeiwthq4weiagpuofjiswhao

maybe im a bit selfish. maybe im being ignorant.

who knows....

in any case.....i havent been this angry for THIS LONG in a while. usually it subsides after a ouple of hours but she came back downstairs and said that little shit to me and it just rekindled the fire baby .

woot woot

go suck on a dildo you uptight whore.
Xiah Love

Blood lust? FAME?!

XD so hannie_rabu has been telling me that on Yoosu LJ community or something ppl have been asking for my ...story ?XDDD

*^^* aww...i feel loved XD. and embarassed~~ a little shy. lol.

Well i havent posted here in a whlie and i realize why i have been feeling empty lately XD I HAVENT BEEN POSTING HERE!! lol.

so Finals this week..or it started already and i have two more days before it is LA FINISHED!! I'm so excited for winter break. not really doing anything...but...i just feel really tired right now so i just want to rest~ and forget!

so UGA...the university i wanted to go to...i have been deferred. which means i have to send in the part 2 of the application T__T;; poo poo. my sat scores were good...so were my ap exam...stuff....and....gpa..it may been because of the major i chose. its pretty competitive field.

Anyway...so about bloodlust..XD since today i have been working on it on my special journal at school after i finish my exam and stuff and i have time left over haha. i write really tiny so ppl dont look over my shoulder and read "Junsu arched in ecstasy as Yoochun's cunning hand roused undescribable pleasure and torture in his lower region" ...

lol...that would be very awkward. XD

VERY. lol. for me anyway. or for htem rather. hahaha;;

So all i can say about bloodlust is....we're slowly getting closer to the ending. I thought it would take a lot more chapters but because of bad planning on my part and my unexpected NOT UPDATING which caused me to write long long long super long chapters...XDD;;;;

the number of chapters i thought i would put up has greatly been reduced. i think;;;then again it really depends on my brain right now haha.



Oh yeah this weekend...or last weekend...and the weekend before Hannie_rabu and I went to the new park near our school after my orchestra concert and we wrote all these dbsk messages on the sand of the volleyball court. XD


CHANGTA XD (a litle special something something for Soloscry haha)


it was really fun. freezing. but fun.
anyway thanks to everyone who made bloodlust...become possible and read and comments.

comments are a online writer's best friend. although i wouldnt call myself a writer..more like a teenager who needs to get all these dirty yoosu jaeho and changta actions out of her brain and on to paper.

  • Current Music: Song of the Wind- Jo Sung Mo (OST: Artist of the wind)
Xiah Love

Politics suck. ignorant ppl suck even more

Due to certain religoius beliefs, I do not have a preference for...any..government type stuff. I dont vote, i dont...participate in anything related to government and of this ..world ?XD

ignorant yes? Truthfully, either way we're both screwed.

I dont HATE obama or mccain. I just dont care for both of them. I dont really have an opinion of them (Except for sarah palin because i actually looked her up and read some of her political plans/beliefs)

today my little siter (10th grade) was teling me about her world history teacher was ranting about Obama not putting his hand on his chest during the pledge. I dont know how that ..is for most of you, but to me it is not a big deal. It doesnt mean he's the antichrist, it doenst mean hes a communist, and it doesnt mean that he's a traitorous bastard. As long as he's not sitting down and pretending not to notice everyones doing the pledge i think its fine. Because i dont pledge myself to any government, i dont say teh pledge but i still stand up to show respect for other ppl's opinoins. The poor guy didnt even think it was going to be that big of a deal. but since ...i'll say it, he's the first black president, everything and everyone is sensitive to EVERYTHING. lol.

idk. mayeb not. but that seems to be the issue where i live.


my little sister continued on saying that she hates obama and wished McCain to be president.
1.) religion: mccain is christian
2.) she agrees with mccain more on political views

...first of all.

the political views you 'agree on'  are opinions and beliefs of your friends and teachers. thats not YOURS. YOU yourself do not know anything about Mccain and his views or Obama because you did not listen to the politcal debates or researched them yourself.

She probably doenst even know Obama benefits ppl like her. middle class ppl.

so i was driving and telling her that Obama was christian and that whole muslim/turned christian to run for president crap is a rumor ppl spread. his dad was muslim but he himself was not. at least..not for a long time anyway.

and shes telling me that Im wrong, im wrong im wrong im wrong (she repeated that a lot) 

and right during my explanation of as to why HER INFORMATION was wrong, she just goes. whatever. i dont care. whatever.

and im like...honey. Who do you think you are? You are a fobby asian who just came from korea. what do you know? You are an ignorant girl (i already knew she was ignorant -___- before this even happened) who knows nothing except things that ppl tell you. Thats not a reliable source. Until you actually research on these two candidates and read through their political beliefs and listened to hte debates yourself, you have nothing to say in my opinion. YOU do not tell me that I AM WRONG when I'm the one who reserached it

(because my friend showed me a link cuz i was curious about sarah palin then i ended up looking up informatoin about everyone) .

YOU DO NOT CUT ME OFF and tell me WHATEVER when someone older than you and I KNOW For a fact that i nkow more than her about this subject cuz all she does is every day looking up dramas, pictures, tv shows, and painting her nails (literally) . When someone is telling you important information so you dont look like a dumb ignorant bitch, YOU listen and you listen well.

thats just total disrespect and shit.

lol Hannie Rabu knows how angry i was cuz i called her XD.


i hate..ignorant ppl.

i hate..her.

now that i think about...she annoys me alot.

1.) right when im in the middle of listening to my favorite dbsk song (she knows i like it) she just liek slams her finger into the skip button in teh car without even asking me. shes like, "i hate it. i hate it. over played, blahblah" 

this is my car. you dont touch anything.

2.) she doesnt care for other ppls stuff

i tell her you shouldnt do that and sheslike, 'who cares its not mine." 

..i said that to my mom once...i got slapped on my mouth for saying that. and grounded for 2 weeks.
YOU need to have respect for other ppl's items and just because it isnt yours doesnt mean you should trash it. KARMA XD

you all know why lol.
4.) idk what this trait is but its annoyoing. I guess its snobby ness? Shes like, I hate this color, it doesnt look good on you. thats not a good style.
yeah...its not a good style becaue its not YOUR style. You like spaghetti straps, flamboyant outrageous and sometimes slutty outfits.

I Dont. I like down to earth, any kind of style that doesnt show too much skin.
YOU do.
5.) I ask her to close the door quietly...ji hae doesnt.

EVERRRRRRRRRR SHE NEVER DOESSS. I mean..isnt it common sense? 
Ppl are sleeping at 5 Am in the morning. WHY ARE YOU SLAMMING THE DOOR?!

lol. sorry i had to go say it.

shes a little fucker and needs to be taughta  lesson.

and she keeps going into my older sister's room and makes a mess and sleeps on her bed. Does she not realize that we have to wash teh bed covers adn everything because she's keep on sleeping on it. GO TO YOUR OWN ROOM. theres a reason why we moved my sister out of her room and into a differnet room. -___-;;;

and she keeps borrowing my older sister's stuff without asking...and im like...FUCKERRRR XD

so pissed.

soooo incredibly pissed.


yeah..what are those eraser crap all over the carpet.

its not liek YOUR going to vacume it all up.
Xiah Love

Thanks to all the BLOODLUST READERS!!

haha thanks everyone for commenting and leaving really great advices for me hehe ^___^. It really made me feel a lot better!

LOL i realized that i totally COMPLETELY forgot to tthank everyone for reading my stories!! er..story XD. BLOODLUST!! I really do appreciate it. Its amazzzzing how many comments i get for the story and everyone is flattering me all too much T__T. My heads gonna get big if you keep on doing that hahahaha. but i do love it though ^.~

really though, its because of all the commenters and readers that i kick myself in the butt and force myself to finish it. I'm a quitter usually but as I'm growing older and closer to the real outside world, I'm trying to get out of that habit. I ts not good socially and buisnessly..XD. if that is a word.

anyways, really do thanks for everyone. ^^
Xiah Love

Dont lie to me.

lol I realized something

she doesnt call me until ALL her OTHER friends cant go out or do anything. Then when she's bored and her friends are gone, she calls me.

THEN she tells me, "Oh jisoo, i have no friends but you T__T~~ let me come over to your house~~ and eat your food!" 

literally. she does eat my food. i am not overreacting. Everytime she comes to my house i have to freaking feed her. Of course sometimes i do it out of generosity but other times its like she takes advantage of me.

Dont tell me that you dont have any friends but me when you actually :

1.) do have a lot of friends (fobby ones at that and your new ghp friends..which is fine. i dont care about you having new friends, thats great news for me that you have awesome friends. but 1dont rub it in my face)

2.) dont even look my way unless those friends are gone

i really dont appreciate that. You dont even think about talking to me, calling me, or look my way if those friends are there.
Dont call me and tell me you want to hang out. You only probably have me because I'm the only person out of your fobby friends that liked Yaoi or Shounen ai (although im trying to get out of it now), have hte same ANIME passion, or talk something stupid about .

well guess what. I'm growing older (sad to say) and im getting tired of these pointless conversations. I rather talk about life and not how hott Lee Byung HYun is. Yeesh...maybe for a moment...but not for a week. I like serious talks...and stuff. lol. this is strange...

but anyways


I gave you rides t your house almost every year in high school and your house is pretty far away from mine. Then you expect me to drive you everywehre, pick you up or w.e.

No. thats not how it works.

you owe me a lot. lol. even if we were still close friends, you still owe me alot. I mean..i give rides give food or w.e. and thats what friends do...but to the extent that i did with you is just too much. and i didnt get half of what i did for you. At lesat thank me...or do something in return.

I'm getting tired of everything about her  now. But i cant stop being friends....i guess? idk ive become more mean to her but she thinks im kidding. i think at times she gets offended but thats her problem. She realized that she's cute now and takes pictures of herself with My phone camera and wants to take pictures me iwth her just to spite me. She did this at the mall too when we were with the guys. She ((i know this for a fact like...the sun is real)) took my arm and was liek ji soo i wnna stay with you because i look less fat.

whats that suppose to mean? i know your skinnier than me...but

that ..was a little harsh.

so i let go of her and walked away.

annoying now that i think about it.

whoever taught her to take self camera pictures at that stupid myspace angle...

you have created a monster

((i mean i do it...but...im not ....like her XD. i dont do it...a lot..where i spam OTHER ppl's phone with litearlly 40 pictures of different angles of myself.) )